No Second Chance
© Garth Dutton, 2009

The only time they ever saw each other was at a kindergarten playgroup. Each brought their own small child. Attraction grew over a period of time, though it was rarely expressed by more than an acknowledgement of each other by eyes, and the hint of a fleeting smile.

They spoke in soft silences, under the ever watchful eyes of others. Occasionally they had brief conversations before their children recognised the threat to their own individual affection and attention. Then it would be children dragging adults separate ways to swings or painting, any kind of separate activities.

Each week, they left the meaningful silences of the kindergarten for the hostile silences of other relationships. This went on for some time…

He acknowledged that she was having a difficult time of things, and she thought it helpful to say that he had courage to bring his child to the playgroup, for by doing so, he was openly advertising that he was not employed.

The relationship between them thereafter became progressively strained. She was bitter that an expected offer was not forthcoming, and began, step by step, to distance herself from him.

He felt her draw back, and at first he could not understand why. It came to him, painfully and slowly, that his entire approach had been wrong. He thought he had done all the right things, but now he saw that wasn’t so.

To show that he found her attractive had been a step forward on his part. She had acknowledged that she too was attracted. Almost against his will, he had taken a second step forward, for at all times he was with her all his best qualities had been on display. It remained for her to assess him, and decide if she was interested in taking the relationship further. The relationship had stalled, for as he waited for her to take that second step, she waited on him to take another step forward.

For a moment he pretended he was someone else. How then would he have proceeded? His painful enlightenment began. Attraction, then he would have to frame some very positive verbal offer. But he saw that if such an offer was angrily rejected, his whole position bringing his child there would be under threat. In any case, his financial circumstances ruled out most offers he could think of. But he saw it would have to be done.

The next week, when they came to playgroup, she could see he was visibly trying to frame an offer to her. She was surprised. It seemed so out of character, almost false. All of a sudden, the colour drained from her face. For the first time she realised that what had been going on between them was as visible to the adults present as it was to the children, and always had been. She thought of how well he treated her and realised that by doing so he was making an offer anyway. She simply hadn’t recognised it as such.

She made herself a cup of coffee, then took her child out to the sandpit to play. She talked with other mothers, but her mind was elsewhere. It came to her that she would need to respond with some word of gesture or the relationship would be at an end. To just take his hand for a moment, a quick kiss, or a whispered “I love you,” would be enough, and the relationship would progress rapidly to consummation.

She avoided contact with him, while she battled with herself about what to do. Sadly she came to realise hat her background had won. There was no way she could bring herself to take the necessary step, no matter how much she wanted to. In her culture, the man had to take the lead all the way.

As the session finished, they had eye contact. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, but with such finality, that he realised there could be no second chance. She could never go there again, so poured her heart out to the Director of the kindergarten, who arranged for her child to be enrolled in another kindergarten in nearby suburb.

He went home broken-hearted and tried to rationalise that both their circumstances were such that nothing had been possible anyway. That night, he watched the evening T.V. news. There were local items and some for overseas, including one from his homeland. And in his heart he was there, not here.