Garth Dutton

A Brazilian Joke About God

This was told to me by a Brazilian backpacker. Thought I’d share this with you.

I told the ‘joke’ to my ex-wife, who is Australian. She said, “Brazil and Australia must have a lot in common. That could so easily be an ‘Australian joke’”.

A Brazilian Joke About God

When He contemplated creating the world, God decided that every new land would have a complete balance of good and bad points, because if any place had too many good points, everyone would go and live there. To appraise His work He created a special team of angels.

The first land He created was Europe. He gave it high snow-capped mountains in the Alps, the Carpathians and the Pyrenees. He gave it mighty rivers, the Rhine, the Volga, the Vistula and the Danube. He created mighty oak and pine forests, and some of the richest fertile plains in the world. He lined the Mediterranean Coast with magnificent beaches.

They were the good points.

Now He started with the bad points. He created lots of ethnic groups, all speaking different languages. Then He created political boundaries that didn’t coincide with ethnic boundaries, causing century after century of wars over border provinces. Most countries had endless problems of rebellions by ethnic minorities within their borders.

Then He stopped. The angels appraised His work and were satisfied. Europe had at least as many bad points as good, so was in complete balance.

The next land God chose to create was America. He gave it magnificent mountains in the Appalachians and the Rockies. He gave it vast prairies. He gave it the Great Lakes, and the mighty Mississippi River. He gave California a wonderful climate, and created the pristine wilderness of the Everglades. Then He decided that was enough good points.

Now He started on the bad ones.

California was ripped by the mighty San Andreas fault that caused terrible earthquakes every few years. The Mississippi River was subject to frequent devastating floods. Cold air from the north collided with warm moist air coming up from the Gulf of Mexico to form storm cells with terrible tornados. The Gulf Coast would be lashed by frequent hurricanes. In the scenic North West, He created a series of huge snow-capped volcanoes, that are potentially the most violently explosive in the world. Mt. St. Helens would show what a volcano like that could do to a forested area. Nearer the coast millions of people would live in the danger zones before they knew the volcanoes were so dangerous.

And there He stopped. The angels appraised His work and again were completely satisfied. America’s bad points balanced out the good ones perfectly.

Next God chose to create Brazil, so He created the world’s mightiest river, The Amazon. Then He created the Amazon rain forest (the lungs of the planet), and gave it the world’s greatest biodiversity. Then He created the beautiful harbour of Rio de Janeiro, then the Iguazu Falls. The list of good points went on and on. Eventually He stopped, and said, “ I’ll create Australia next.”

The angels were horrified. God said, “What’s the problem?” The angels conferred, then their spokesperson said. “This new land Brazil is totally out of balance. No matter how long we look at it we can only define good points. It simply has no bad points.”

God just smiled, then said, “Just wait till you see some of the governments Brazil’s going to have…”

Was my ex-wife talking about the beauty of Australia or our systems of government? Hmmm, I wonder.

Tags: america, australia, brazil, garth dutton, god, joke, Writing